Dating Jokes

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME____________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA______________

SOCIAL SECURITY#________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_______________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend __________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? ____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C. A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?____________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROC UTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_______________________________________________________________
Mother's Signature & Father's Signature

_______________________________________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.